29 September 2009

Q & A............jokes

Q: What is the similarity between men and rats?
A: Both keep searching for new holes.
Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5 days and if it doesn't come, it means you are in big trouble.

Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?
A: When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology. When the baby looks like the neighbor, then it is sociology.

Q: What's the height of recycling?
A: Sending a sanitary napkin for dry cleaning.

Q: Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as I have advised?
A: Lady: Doctor, I thought you said 3 males a day....

Q: Girlfriend & boyfriend go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquito enters the girl's skirt. Guess where it would have bitten?!!!
A: The boy friend's hand.

Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his clothes. All the animals laughed at Tarzan. Tarzan asked "Why"?
A: The animals told him "Your tail is in front".

26 September 2009

Bright Student

A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students.

Teacher: What is your problem?

Boy: I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade
and
I'm smarter than she is. I think I should be in the third-grade too.

The teacher took the boy to the principal's office. While the Boy waited
in
the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the
situation
was.

The principal told her that he would give the boy a test and if he
failed
to
answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and
behave.
She agreed.

The boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he
agreed to take the test.

Principal: What is 3 x 3?
Boy: 9

Principal: What is 6 x 6?
Boy: 36

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade
should know. "I think the boy can go to the third-grade", said the
principal. The teacher said she had some of her own questions to ask.

The principal and the boy agreed.

Teacher: What is it that a cow has four and I have only two?
Boy: (after a moment) Legs.

Teacher: What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?
Boy: Pockets.

Teacher: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious
and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy: Coconut.

Teacher : What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the
answer,
the boy was already answering.
Boy: Bubblegum

Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a
dog does on three legs?
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the
answer...
Boy: Shake hands.

Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Boy: Yep.

Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I
get
wet before you do.
Boy: Tent

Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The
best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large vodka
peg.....
Boy: Wedding Ring.

Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow
me, you feel good.
Boy: Nose

Teacher: I am a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy: Arrow

Teacher: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of
heat and excitement?
Boy: Firetruck.

Teacher: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' and if u dont get
it u have to use your hand?
Boy: Fork.

Teacher : What is it that all men have one. It is longer for some men
than for others. The pope doesn't use his. Normally a man gives it to his
wife after they're married?
Boy: SURNAME.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send
this Boy to the University. I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"

20 September 2009

Gastric??

my god.....yesterday night went out for dinner with ex colleagues & boss....after that we went to bayview hotel to listen to a philippines band...well that's not my point....while we were having the 1st bottle of white wine....my tummy started to feel a little bit uncomfortable alr but i couldn't be bothered....we though we were goin back bcoz of the power cut & there's no electricity....so the band couldn't start singing....who knows "wuala" the electricity came back....SHIT....then "he" opened another bottle.....ARgh.....we got no choice wo we have to finish up the entire bottle or else.....he wouldn't let us go back...FUCK....after i've finished the last glass of my wine....warrRRr....my tummy started to be very very painful.....my god.....i can feel that there are 2 thorny's rollers been rolling around my organ....after reach home....i headed to the toilet hope that it could be better after "pliak pliak pliak"...it doesn't help much coz i cant even "pliak"...so i hav to convince myself to sleep.....the next day which is 2day...it was ok.....until i had my dinner...argh.....that kind of feelings came back.....i hope this is not wat ppl call gastric....or else i will die bcoz of those 2 thorny rollers

15 September 2009

Million $$ questions

Q: Why are condoms transparent?
A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their
entry is
Restricted!

Signboard outside a prostitute's house:
Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy...

New AIDS awareness slogan:
Try different positions with the same woman instead of same
position
with different women.

Why is $ex like shaving?
Well, because no matter how well you do it today... tomorrow
you'll
have to do it again...

Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?
A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to
death.

Q: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right?
A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed.

Q: What is the difference between a PANTY & a STAGE CURTAIN?
A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but
when you
pull down the PANTY..... it is SHOWTIME!

Q: What is the similarity between a wife and a chewing gum?
A: Both are sweet in the beginning but become tasteless and
shapeless
later

Advantages of having an affair with a married women.
They give like hell.
They do not yell.
They do not tell.
They do not swell and there is no wedding bell!

My dad told me that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would be
still in Paradise . Why? Because they would have eaten the
snake instead of the bloody apple!

08 September 2009

damn DIGI

damn DIGI......deactivated my simcard bcoz i din't pay....but i din't even receive any statement......bullshit

06 September 2009

WHY????

there are so many WHYssss that i woould like to say....i don't know WHY i wanna write....i don't know WHY the word WHY is on my mind right now....but what i wanna write right now is WHY....i don't know what the heck i am talking right now.....

WHY?????
WHY?????
WHY?????
WHY?????
WHY?????
WHY?????
WHY?????
WHY?????
WHY?????
WHY?????
WHY?????
WHY?????
WHY?????
WHY?????
WHY?????
WHY?????